Ambitions and destinations.

This post is a result of a sudden shock,a personal loss that left me speechless in the last couple of days.

Ever had a dream?One that you cherished for a little more than a decade ? Felt it was the right fit for you?and that it was yours and yours alone?

I did.All the above and when I actually achieved I was the proudest person at least for a few days until recently when one day I woke up and realized how insignificant it all seemed.

There once lived a man.A great and righteous one at that.He was a strict father,a considerate husband and a loving,loving grandfather who ran until the end of the passage only to see his granddaughter disappear as an escalator ascended slowly and rails blocked him from moving further.Little did the granddaughter know that it was the last time she would ever see him.Because if she did she would have never left.Or at least her last words to him would have not been "Ok let me get to the immigration before its too late.Bye!"

Guilt.A very strange feeling.Particularly when you start appreciating the fragility of life.You start blaming yourself for the very things that you took for granted.And strangely this happens right after the loss of a life.We all start thinking about what we could have done when indeed right after we're done grieving we get back to square one.This has become a vicious cycle of life.

Anyways,there are so many stories to tell and I wouldn't know where to begin or where to end but here is my wish list.

Thatha,

I wish I had deferred my admit just a year.

I wish you had come here this march.

I wish I talked to you more often on skype.

I wish I spent more time with you.

I wish we had watched more matches together.

I wish I never told you off for the millions of times when you saw a serial and scolded the characters through gritted teeth.

I wish I had visited more temples with you and learnt the names and stories behind everything.

I wish we had watched more movies together.

I wish I could still drive you to the bank.

I wish we could have had more Grand Sweets trips together and you bought me my favourite things.

I wish I was there to get the 100 rs from you this Diwali

I wish I was there for your Birthday this year.

I wish we could have gone to the beach more often.

I wish I didnt discourage you everytime you wanted to eat the tea-kadai vadai.

I wish I didnt tease you everytime you got scared for a little headache.

I wish we could have celebrated many more Indian world cup victories.

I wish we could have seen the UofA matches that we both were looking forward to.

I wish I could have seen your face beaming with pride when I graduate.

I wish I could get that Well done Gaalu! everytime I achieve something.

I wish I could hear more about how you passed your art exams or how you swam across rivers to reach schools!

I wish I could still feel those goosebumps when you described those Independence times stories to me.

I wish I could still hold your treasured signed Independence day declaration and hear you talk about that day!

I wish I could still sit on your lap , pluck at your hair and call you "Sanku!!"

I wish Thangaapandi saloon did not lose its most loyal customer.

I wish we had more "computer sessions"

I wish I had been more patient with you.

I wish I didnt have to look at your phone and realize that you'll never answer it.

I wish I heard your voice one last time.

Finally,I wish I was not here writing a blog post but there consoling paati.

I will miss you always.

My Ambitions seem nothing and Road to the Destination is faltering.I will however continue on holding strong just to make a grandfather who meant everything to me proud of me.

I know you're always near me ,watching over me and protecting me.

I will always look at the sky when a flight goes by ,believing that someday you'll be here watching a match with me ,cheering the Wildcats.

I'll always remember the last laugh we had thaatha.I wish I could associate you with it always instead of the phone call I got from mom telling that you are no more.