Madarasapattinam-Epic fail.

Now come on, I already mentioned once that I am not a very good movie reviewer.I only write(read trash) those which not appealed to me and this is considering the bar tolerance set abysmally low.You very well know how this one is going to turn out.So if you havent seen the movie yet/you liked the movie a lot/if you are in love with Amy Jackson/Arya(or both!) please stop reading further.Dont tell me I didnt warn you.And mind you this is just my opinion and comments like "You have no taste" "Arya/Amy is(are) way too hot to be criticized" " The movie is an epic " "Dont you dare utter a word against such a novel attempt" etc will not be entertained.Atleast not here.

The movie is an epic allright.An epic fail.A poor man's titanic.An absolute scene by scene rip off of the Titanic and Lagaan.And to add to this poor lighting contributed in its own way to this british-girl-falls-in-lovvu-with-brave-man-story.

The movie begins with someone dying and moves to an 80 yr lady returning to India to seek her true love,one who she lost on the day of Independence.Cut to 1945 as the story beings to unfold through her eyes.And right from there I saw the movie through Cameron's eyes.

The first scene is exactly similar to how she sees the rusted interiors and starts visualizing how the original titanic was.Everytime I hear the theme of Titanic the catch that lodges in my throat refuses to go away.Yes,all these 12 years.And what did I feel when I heard this so called "Feel of love" theme?Sorry for the music director for attempting to recreate the masterpiece score of Horner.The soul stirring score has been reduced to something totally pathetic.

Allright moving on,yeah the same visualization with a pathetic attempt at a vivid description(Highly unlike the one by Gloria Stewart) the movie opens with a shot of Spencers in 1945 and strangely there were two characters resembling the character Broke Lovett and his assistant and of course a grand daughter.

The heroine is forced to get engaged to a british commander(Again duh!) and she has a mother who forces her into it.And right about that time she meets the hero.Now forget Titanic for a while as we get the copy of Lagaan out.Our hero is a dhobi and their settlement is annexed by the British who need the place to build a golf course.Hero opposes and fights the General one-on-one and wins the land.

Now too much digression from the Titanic cant be welcomed ,can it?Back on,they meet and fall in love.People start noticing.As per tamil cinema rules a Thaali sentiment sequence which is a must is also present.The thaali is of course a replacement for the Heart of the Ocean.

After a couple of duets being sung(with pookal pookum sounding strangely familiar(!))we are back to a bit of Lagaan when she dons on a saree and dances with the Hero and there is a small English bit in one song(again resembling O Rey!) and then Independence is declared and she has to return to England.She doubles back from the train and then on begins the chase very much like that in Titanic.They keep running and running until you start squirming in your seat,the popcorn and coke long gone.They hide in a clock tower with the heroine singing "Where will I be without you?"(Again sounded strangely like "Come Josephine").Finally,the villain gets hurled from a clock tower.And then they run some more(phew!)...

Finally hope rises in you(more like suppressing the bile rising) when you see her trying to save the guy by rowing them away when they are caught....So what does our heroine do? She forces the hero into a swimming ring and leaves him under a bridge,lest the britishers kill him.Now during the letting go of hands she again pulls a classic Rose.The same kind of dialogue is spoken and finally she lets go the same way Winslett actually does and the hand is seen sinking into the water and Amy is taken away to be married off.

The next scene is again a typical one from the Titanic where all the listener's of this classic(!)tale cannot control their tears and burst out like sissys.Now I had no idea what was going through the director's mind.Probably he must have been so tired in ripping off the Titanic and lagaan that he must have finally laid his hands on another DVD for the ending.-The Notebook.

When Amy finds him dead I actually felt no sympathy for her or Arya.The characters were so shallow and Arya in particular is neither funny and nor can he emote.The lighting is pathetic too.

There are no ways to differentiate the past and present when the movie cuts between both.

Somethings that I should have done:

1)Not trusted any movie reviews or for that matter all these emo cases raving that the movie was an extra-ordinary attempt.

2)Grabbed a copy of Lagaan and Titanic,kicked back at home and experience the catch in the throat that I do everytime Jack's hands disappear into the water.

3)Gone to Woodland and ogled at the pictures of old madras.(Wait!Googling is easier)

4)Thrown a live wire at GV Prakash for trying the "Copy" Raagam.

5)Asked to meet the non-existent Script writer(I am very sure 20 copies of all the three afore-mentioned movies did that work)

Finally:

Mr.Vijay(the director)if only you were about some 15 years early you could have won accolades for this movie for its novelty.Paavam,you too are the victim of plagiarization .Tch,Tch.Let's sue Cameron come on.But ,oh wait! he is not even aware of your existence,is he?

Madarasapattinam-A pathetic attempt at recreating Titanic.

Until the next one,

Gaya :)

After Mahabharatha here comes Ramayana....

I dont know exactly why but I have never really understood the so-called hidden meaning behind the subtlety of Mani Rathnam's movies.Now I have no doubts about his movie making skills.He is a fine film maker.Point duly noted.Its just that I dont get the point behind few things he religiously sticks to.

*Like the themes he used to adopt in most of his movies-Love,Terrorism or Love and Terrorism(Dadagiri is a subcategory) .

*On why he insists that the movie be shot in minimal light so that half the time you have to squinch your eyes to see who is in the frame.

*The usss--bhusss sounds that periodically arise indicating that some dialogue is being delivered that makes you strain your eyes to get the drift of what is being spoken.

*On why he still thinks Abhishek Bacchan can deliver in rustic roles that demand a lot of performance and gamut of emotions to be expressed effortlessly.

I really feel sad for AB jr.I do.The gargantuan nature of stardom of his father and his wife weighing upon him,and always being used as a reference scale to judge him has eclipsed his skills.But still he does maintain his cool.I do admire him for that.But this movie gave him a new standard to be compared to : Vikram.

I have always admired Vikram.His career graph has had the worst start but he patiently held on till he had his start and once it took off he never looked back.He is not the one to sit around and complain about how no one took notice of him.Rather he gets into the arena and performs.And how!Commercial cinema or parallel cinema,he gets noticed.

Hardly two months and the movie is already on TV !

Dhalapathy worked Mr.Rathnam.Our thalaivar Rajnikanth and the script did the magic.

Hold on to Vikram and shake off AB Jr.Let him go prance around beaches with John and his insured-derriere while you can watch your scripts come alive with the magic they were intended to.

P.S-We wouldnt say no to another mushy Alaypayuthe with Maddy :)

What a Bollywood addicted soap fan would do when she comes across a hindi song in an english sitcom...

To those not very familiar with Bollywood cinema-

Dancing away are Shah Rukh Khan , Juhi Chawla and Sonali Bendre.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVrwxKao74s

P.S-Why am I sharing this video?Very simple...I heard this song play in the background of one episode in the 3rd Season of The Big Bang theory(The one with the kite-flying and all..Do watch closely the scene where Howard enters with the patang..Before Raj answers the door this song can be heard playing on the TV)It took me some time and some hits to get the song right and well managed a few laughs after watching this :) ...

P.P.S-I fell in love with SRK after watching DDLJ and managed to fall out love (!) watching this.

Kulir-100 -Freezes you to Death

I am not generally very interested in writing movie reviews .Why?I dont consider myself a good critic.

Therefore,most of the time my opinions on movies are restricted to ok,good,attu padam or oru-dadava paakalam. Not that I dont watch a lot of movies.I do.I catch almost every boring flick in town just because I have a lot of free time,vetti friends and the smell of butter-popcorn beckons me(!) from Satyam.

But there was one particular movie which surpassed all the boundaries of obnoxiousness that any movie at that time had not.(Sura was released much later and I havent seen it yet and so I havent been affected by the usual nauseating feeling or randomly wanting to stop the car in the middle of the road and advice a police-maama on the evils of maamul or go about kissing pallu-vizhuntha paatis for apparently no reason,bursting into a dappan-kuttu right in the middle of anna-saalai , bashing up a wannabe cool-doood (Signs to identify this category-the high lights which look like he had some seth-ji spit paan all over his head , the skull keychain on the chest bouncing away,one group of vethu-vettus ,a cellphone without a battery or balance purchased at pondy bajaar and the vetti engeeelees) or pretty much any other feeling that you get when you watch a Vijay flick.)

June '09

I was attending an in-plant training at Southern Railways when suddenly one day was declared off due to the arrival of a minister.Thrilled ,we started making plans and soon we took hold of the faithful 7F to Abirami theatre..I was trying to show off when I got on the foot board while the bus was still moving which earned a few well chosen swear words from the conductor.Brushing them off with a smile (read gloat) I alighted ,which agitated the conductor to the extent of making rude hand gestures.Feeling triumphant for apparently no reason other than setting a very bad example I stood there ,as my friends got down at the stop and walked towards me with one look that said-"Wow!Bad ass behaviour man"(edukkelam?Kadavulle)..If I were my guruji Vadivelu the first words that would have sprung to my lips would have been "Ippdi ussupethi ussupethiye odamba ranagalam aakidradhu".But I was not Vadivelu and I did enjoy that attention back then.

Yeah we checked the list of movies playing and there was Pasanga and this Kulir 100..Pasanga looked quite rural and this Kulir... looked pretty urban and stylish so we chose the latter(And what a mistake it was!I saw Pasanga later and loved it..)..So as we entered the multiplex(!) and were directed towards the screen we stumbled on until we reached our seats.The theatre smelled pleasantly of one that hasn't been cleaned in atleast two days and chairs with broken arm-rests.It rather looked like a cross between the dingy theatre that screens colour-padams(If you get my drift) at Parangimalai and the newly renovated Raaki(Swear ! it is way better)at Ambattur.

So yeah , post advertisements when we were comfortable seated,complete with the stale popcorn that we were mercilessly charged Rs.50 something for ,we heard an ear-piercing scream which went like,

Nallavan evan ?

Kettavan evan?

Kodum vishatukku porandhavan ivann...

(Crudely translated to)

Who is the good guy?

Who is the bad guy?

This guy is born to deadly poison(The kind you would want to take after watching this flick!)

This crap went on for around 3 minutes and we successfully missed the titles as we frantically looked around for a place to safeguard the popcorn and cover our ears to save the eardrums.

Finally the noise subsided and as everyone went WTF was that? we were soon treated to our hero waiting atop a building waiting for someone.Well,the someone arrived and was kozhi-amukkified (covered in a sack akin to what someone would do while trying to steal a hen) and beat up.You have no clue in the confusion that prevails and the hero runs away.Next day surprise surprise(!) police lands on his door step since they found his ID in the crime(!) scene.He is whisked away to the station and one MLA like katta-panchayat guy arrives and demands his son let go.Now from where did this son character arise you might think.Anga dhan director twishttuu.Namma hero's appa is a rowdy.Appa and amma Lovvu marriage.Amma does not like appa's ways.They separate.But they are all paasams over their son who as expected grows up like a Thadu-thala(dunder-head).

Appa is all proud(!) that son is a budding-dhaadha(don).(Enna appan da?).So cut to Koyambedu market where our hero dances amidst vegetables and colourful lights with a skimpily clad Item-girl imported from Mumbai to celebrated the release from jail.(shabbha!)

Enter amma who thinks that the thadu thala is out of control and interfering with her bank exam.So he is carted off to Ooty to continue his studies.Now with the hero's face so bloated up and the rowdism depicted you might think he is probably joining his final year or something.Anga dhaan Second twishttu.Namma hero is joining 11th.

He is made to share a room with a sidekick who looks like one yaanai without its thumbikkai (Elephant without trunk) and goes "Broooooooo"(Dey!Adha yenda Bru kaapi maari solre?)

The first day and already namma hero invites the "wrath" of seniors.There are three of them in all.And as per formula they all look like settu paiyans placed in the middle of mariyamman thiruvizha , all vetti peter thamizh(Hey!I am getting pasi ya.Lets go to nair kadai and drink tea and eat porai typos) and they go about controlling the school and everyone quivers under the looks they shoot.

Our hero has given word(read traditional amma-mela satyam-The highest word-bound ever produced by Tamil cinema) that he wont be involved in any fights any more and hence satisfies himself by throwing the villains looks of utmost disgust and contempt(yeah the kind we kept throwing at the hero).Or I think that is what he was going for.He finally looked like a constipated dog torn between the desire to make and nibble at a bone.

Now if the hero was frolicking about in the hills Ooty our heroine can't be far away,can she?For some strange reason she keeps jumping from trees , speaking stuff that has no coherence and even people realized that coz they kept calling her loosu(local word for touched in the head)throughout the movie.And yeah the clueless Bombay-import type only.

Hero and heroine ore lovvus in parties and tree-houses where yaanai has managed to hide copious amounts of food.Heroine tries to etthi vittufy hero's gethu by keeping up the constant stream of encouragement and plans..

And now third twishttu...Heroine's anna is one among the villians.Now you might think of a 3.a.twist where anna is using his thangacchi(No offense to TR fans) to sabotage the hero.But no.Heroine hates her anna who keeps offering advice to his dad that she should be in a facility for the mentally challenged (Thambi inda advice ah nee directorkum,producerkum kudutrukalam)

Now hero stands against one of the gooja-jalras in the villians for some Vice-President(apdiye Indian national election maari oru build up vera) and our yaanai tirelessly works to make him win.Hero wins.Seniors fight.Oreeyyy nail-biting tensaaan.

When all this circus was going on ,suddenly a break was declared for 15 mins. Interval.We all rushed out akin to how students rush out of classes on Friday after the dismissal bell.We seriously considered not going back inside.But it was never in my book to leave a movie unfinished.I comforted myself saying "Vandachu,pathutrukom,mudichudalam".I kept saying this throughout the second half of the movie.

If the first half of the movie was like Mummy-3 then the second half was nothing lesser than Thiruppachi.And the director takes her revenge against the audience and how!Ummm..Ukkare mudile..

Seri second half begins with some treasure hunt like thing which I dont remember who won.(By this point I had stopped paying attention!The popcorn was over and I was massaging my head and checking my watch).I think it was the hero.

Something called "the Ring" was mentioned when I looked up hoping to see some Frodo like character holding the one ring which would add some dimension to the story I was yet again disappointed to see that it was a piece of land(very much in the shape of a sotta-maama's head)

where they amicable settled(read fought like street dogs) their differences.Sad;y I returned back to the massaging.

Suddenly,I heard some screams and looked up.The yaanai was forced into a toilet by the villians and he dies.And as per rule,someone had to remove their specs when the news was delivered.It is generally the doctor.(but inga lightcha twist )It was the school princi informing amma-yaanai and appa yaanai that their son had died due to cardiac-arrest.

Hero is crestfallen at the loss of his pet..Chi..Friend..Simbu's rendering of Manasellam starts playing in the background.Hero runs to heroine for some quality romance .But namma heroine is finally declared loosu and sent to Delhi for therapy.Hero is all Bhusss when one day, he hears from the seniors in the same bathroom(The circle!) that they killed the yaanai. Hero turns all red and time for revenge baby!

I was all happy that it would be over in a few seconds and so I decided to watch patiently.Suddenly the ear piercing scream was back on...

Nallavan evan ?

Kettavan evan?

Roshathukku porandhavan ivann...

which yanked the couple who were indulging in some quality romance behind us, apart.(enna power)

Hero makes a super plan.He lures the villians towards a forest.He burns one alive,beats one to death and engages in a fist fight with the third before pushing him into a pit finishing his chapter.Finally he gives us that look that we have very often seen in a lot of amman-movies .I heaved a sigh of relief and proceeded to get up when my friend pulled me back indicating that there was still some of the movie left.Grudgingly I sat back.Strangely nobody seemed to protest that I got up(If I were at a Rajini movie I am sure that few Bata shoes would have been flying at me for momentarily blocking the view of Thalaivar) .

There were two voices in my head now.

Voice1:Please polame..Mudile..Indha 2 mins le Oscar award performance aa kuduka poran avan?

Voice2:Ivlo neram irundachu wait panallame.Innum edavdu "Twist" varalam

Voice1:Thu.

As it turned out Voice 2 was right.There was a fourth twisshtu.

When the hero returns ,surprise(!) he finds his mommy dearest dead.

Hero runs towards an electric pole and bangs himself against it hoping to die(Uff!),when daddy dearest takes him away. The implied moral is Karma.Newton's 3rd law.

Atlast it being over we rushed out to hear someone commenting

"Macchan anda Director ellarayum potu thalirkaangle..Inorru 10 rs.ticket ku extra vaangitu hero vayum pottrunda santosha patrupenne"

(Friend,the director almost killed everyone.For one extra 10 Rs. which I would have gladly paid she could have killed that hero too).

He had reviewed the movie in just a sentence.

P.S-Thanks to Hari,Sangeetha,Madhu and Aishu who patiently endured this crap with me.

P.P.S-Ms/Mrs.Udeep-Naa Padam edukka vendam nu sollale , please edukare padatha ollunga edunga nu dhan solren.

I pity the producer.May his soul RIP ..Amen!

Until the next one,

Gaya :)

Few Reasons why I would not make a good movie critic

1.I go to Satyam for the popcorn.

2.My all time favorite movie is Jeans.

3.I did not like Avatar.

4.I'd prefer It's a wonderful life to The GodFather any day.

5.I am still smitten by James Stewart and not only managed to sit through but also liked(!) The man who knew too much.

And finally the top reason-Once upon a time,long long ago, I was a fan of Vijay,Action king Arjun and Jayam Ravi....

Until the next one,

Gaya:)