"Classical" tales of an aam aadmi.

I have often been criticized for my choice of books.They are well-uh often very masala. Noe come on, don't act all surprised.I am sure you would have read at least a few of my posts(or so I hope!) and definitely noticed the masala-ness(!) in them.Yet I was content until sometime ago when I saw almost everyone raving about one "Master piece" or other.Not the one to be left out I jumped in the bandwagon too.

My first tryst with a classic can be summarized in two words:Epic Fail.The saddest part was that it was an abridged version."Vanity Fair".Disaster spelled in two words would be an acute description.For someone who had religiously read school non-detailed versions of Shakespearean plays,the Harry potter series,Enid Blyton's books and all of Sheldon's books it was a completely different experience as there it involved no murder/theft and chasing around the culprit around the globe and the detective finally falling in love with the to-be-convicted.Emotions were given importance and it was required that I understand all the nuances.It was NOT a page-turner.Realization dawned a bit too late off course.And around 10 pages later I decided Wikipedia can give me more information than I possibly can and would ever gather from the book myself.

The next tryst was with "A tale of two cities".Now this time the description and two pages later there I was turning faithfully to my Wiki.

That said I had stayed away from them for long and with good reasons too.And recently I received some gift vouchers from college for having won some competitions and well Landmark was the place we had to abuse them in.So we started picking up books by the dozen and I noticed this Jane Austen complete collections.Now I know that these novels have had filmi-adaptations as in here,here,here.But I did want to give a classic at least a shot.

Experiment:Finishing at least Sense And Sensibility within the next month(I am a bit hard-pressed for time now actually and the fine print isn't helping either :( )

Probability=0.25

Update 1:Done with the 1st chapter.

More updates soon.Lets see if I can do this.

Until the next one,

Gaya :)

Madarasapattinam-Epic fail.

Now come on, I already mentioned once that I am not a very good movie reviewer.I only write(read trash) those which not appealed to me and this is considering the bar tolerance set abysmally low.You very well know how this one is going to turn out.So if you havent seen the movie yet/you liked the movie a lot/if you are in love with Amy Jackson/Arya(or both!) please stop reading further.Dont tell me I didnt warn you.And mind you this is just my opinion and comments like "You have no taste" "Arya/Amy is(are) way too hot to be criticized" " The movie is an epic " "Dont you dare utter a word against such a novel attempt" etc will not be entertained.Atleast not here.

The movie is an epic allright.An epic fail.A poor man's titanic.An absolute scene by scene rip off of the Titanic and Lagaan.And to add to this poor lighting contributed in its own way to this british-girl-falls-in-lovvu-with-brave-man-story.

The movie begins with someone dying and moves to an 80 yr lady returning to India to seek her true love,one who she lost on the day of Independence.Cut to 1945 as the story beings to unfold through her eyes.And right from there I saw the movie through Cameron's eyes.

The first scene is exactly similar to how she sees the rusted interiors and starts visualizing how the original titanic was.Everytime I hear the theme of Titanic the catch that lodges in my throat refuses to go away.Yes,all these 12 years.And what did I feel when I heard this so called "Feel of love" theme?Sorry for the music director for attempting to recreate the masterpiece score of Horner.The soul stirring score has been reduced to something totally pathetic.

Allright moving on,yeah the same visualization with a pathetic attempt at a vivid description(Highly unlike the one by Gloria Stewart) the movie opens with a shot of Spencers in 1945 and strangely there were two characters resembling the character Broke Lovett and his assistant and of course a grand daughter.

The heroine is forced to get engaged to a british commander(Again duh!) and she has a mother who forces her into it.And right about that time she meets the hero.Now forget Titanic for a while as we get the copy of Lagaan out.Our hero is a dhobi and their settlement is annexed by the British who need the place to build a golf course.Hero opposes and fights the General one-on-one and wins the land.

Now too much digression from the Titanic cant be welcomed ,can it?Back on,they meet and fall in love.People start noticing.As per tamil cinema rules a Thaali sentiment sequence which is a must is also present.The thaali is of course a replacement for the Heart of the Ocean.

After a couple of duets being sung(with pookal pookum sounding strangely familiar(!))we are back to a bit of Lagaan when she dons on a saree and dances with the Hero and there is a small English bit in one song(again resembling O Rey!) and then Independence is declared and she has to return to England.She doubles back from the train and then on begins the chase very much like that in Titanic.They keep running and running until you start squirming in your seat,the popcorn and coke long gone.They hide in a clock tower with the heroine singing "Where will I be without you?"(Again sounded strangely like "Come Josephine").Finally,the villain gets hurled from a clock tower.And then they run some more(phew!)...

Finally hope rises in you(more like suppressing the bile rising) when you see her trying to save the guy by rowing them away when they are caught....So what does our heroine do? She forces the hero into a swimming ring and leaves him under a bridge,lest the britishers kill him.Now during the letting go of hands she again pulls a classic Rose.The same kind of dialogue is spoken and finally she lets go the same way Winslett actually does and the hand is seen sinking into the water and Amy is taken away to be married off.

The next scene is again a typical one from the Titanic where all the listener's of this classic(!)tale cannot control their tears and burst out like sissys.Now I had no idea what was going through the director's mind.Probably he must have been so tired in ripping off the Titanic and lagaan that he must have finally laid his hands on another DVD for the ending.-The Notebook.

When Amy finds him dead I actually felt no sympathy for her or Arya.The characters were so shallow and Arya in particular is neither funny and nor can he emote.The lighting is pathetic too.

There are no ways to differentiate the past and present when the movie cuts between both.

Somethings that I should have done:

1)Not trusted any movie reviews or for that matter all these emo cases raving that the movie was an extra-ordinary attempt.

2)Grabbed a copy of Lagaan and Titanic,kicked back at home and experience the catch in the throat that I do everytime Jack's hands disappear into the water.

3)Gone to Woodland and ogled at the pictures of old madras.(Wait!Googling is easier)

4)Thrown a live wire at GV Prakash for trying the "Copy" Raagam.

5)Asked to meet the non-existent Script writer(I am very sure 20 copies of all the three afore-mentioned movies did that work)

Finally:

Mr.Vijay(the director)if only you were about some 15 years early you could have won accolades for this movie for its novelty.Paavam,you too are the victim of plagiarization .Tch,Tch.Let's sue Cameron come on.But ,oh wait! he is not even aware of your existence,is he?

Madarasapattinam-A pathetic attempt at recreating Titanic.

Until the next one,

Gaya :)

What's in a name?

Now,for once my dear Shakespeare you are absolutely wrong.There is plenty riding on it as I soon found out recently.

It appears that if you have multiple names+multiple surnames+You native place's name annexed to your name it is not very easy guessing what name and what combination will actually turn up in your passport.

I was lucky enough to have single first name and a father who again had a single first name which became my last name.Now dont ask me why my mom's name is not included in my initial or last name.It appears that if you dont have a particular family name(Dutta,Patel,Rao etc) your father's name is automatically super-glued to your name until the Husband factor displaces it(Thanks for the terms Aristotle).

I did ask my mom once why my initial was only S and not S.J.She went off on a rant about how not only the Indian system but the whole world keeps conveniently forgetting women's roles.She kept digressing more and more and then some more and finally when I couldn't nod anymore I got up hurriedly thinking of someplace I had to be.

My next target was paati(grandma).

Me:"Why is my initial only S and not SJ?"

P:That is how it works.My initial had only my father's name until I wed your thaatha.

Me:But why paati?Didnt you protest?Tell them that its unfair.Didnt your mom fight for her rights?.

P:Mom had no time for that.She was very busy.

Me: Doing what?

P:Managing the household,looking after dad and us and most importantly delivering child after child.You know?She delivered 11 children in total.

Me:After that?

P:She died.So you see no time whatsoever.We were either busy trying to save our lives during the World War or studying and cooking that we had no time to ask these questions.

Me:Didnt education want to make you ask questions?

P:No.Andha kaalathla ellam unnoda appa kita nee ippo adam panra maari mudiyadhu.If we have to talk to the menfolk then we make sure there are in a good mood.

Me:And still you stand by your statement that those were the best of times?

P:Yes I am sure.Atleast people were people.Honest.

Me: We are digressing paati.You havent answered my question yet?

P:Yeah yeah.I dont know.It was your parents' decision.Left to them.

Me:That is not an answer.

P:Go ask your Thaatha.

Target 3 -Thaatha.

As I was ascending the staircase I heard the choicest of TamBrahm swear words.It could only mean one of two things if liberal amounts of "shanniyane,kazhutha,kaataila poravane,azhu moonji" were used.Either he was watching a tamil serial or a cricket match.It was a very bad time to aggravate him further.Nevertheless I decided to meet the lion in its den.

Me:Thaatha.

T:Erumma maatu Thaa...*Turns*Oh..Enna?

Me:Oru question.

He looked at me unbelievingly.The look suggested "Since when do you think I started putting out invitations for "Common ask me questions" sessions ?".Nevertheless I continued staring at him till...

T:*Impatiently* Enna?

Me:Why is my initial only S and not SJ?

T:Eh?What does J stand for? Ethavdhu TV la dance aadra pudhu Shanniyanna?

Me: Illa.Amma peru.

T:Unga amma peru Chitra dhaane?

Me:illa.Official name vera.

He looked like he couldn't care less.

Me:Sollu thaatha.

T:Ummmmm,errrr...Therile di.Poi paatiya kelu.

Me:Ketachu.

T:Amma?

Me:Ketachu.

T:Appa?

Me:Innum illa.

T:*Sensing the escape route* Appa va poi kettuko.Enna ippo TV paaka vidu.

I sensed a lost battle.As I turned to leave the Tv was un-muted and there were screams of "Shanniyane" that filled the room.

Target 4-Appa.

Me:Appa.

A:Ey..Veedu poora kuppa potruka.Poruppe ille.

Me:Wait wait.I want to ask you something

A:Enna?

Me:Why is my initial only S and not SJ?

A:*Same expression of disbelief* Office la irundu vanda odane loosu thanama kelvi ketu uyira vaangadha.

Me:Sollu pa.

A:Adhelam theryadhu di.My initial is only S and not SA.Your mom's was S and not SK.Your sister's is not SJ but S.Dont question all this.This how it is.

Me:But Aishu's is PG no?

A:So?

Me:So why is mine not SJ?

A:What difference does it make? Ennoda peraye nee full eluda maate.SundarRam le first half eh cut pannitu style ah Ram nu poda vendyudhu.Idhule Amma per en illanu 10000 kelvi vera.Podi.

Me:But...

*Phone rings* Appa senses chance

Appa:Ey Business call disturb pannadhe.

Goes to the side.I listen on...

Appa:*on the phone*Ah sollu Baalu.Next week dhaane Fox Hunt?No problem.Lunch ku Veg Biriyani solidalam.

I sighed.Hopelessly.

Lessons learnt.

When you question an age-old tradition

1)All women go on a rant about how they were suppressed "andha kaalathla" and ask you to be thankful that you can talk back to your elders.If she is also your grandma she might add subtle hints about how your dad and mom are giving you too much freedom by allowing you to ask questions.

2)All men stare at you in disbelief.Not because of the question you raised.The expression is more likely "Why me?" .They shrug and nod and go do their work.If you pester them they point out that you haven't done your daily duties either and expect that guilt should stop you from asking questions.

So,Shakespeare there is a lot riding on a name.

Until the next one,

Gaya :)